Why?

So ever since 5th period today.. i've been off subject.. wondering.. why. why everything 'happens for a reason' (so it's said).. why things have to be so hard. why life can't just be a tunnel.. where you walk right through. why it has to be a roller coaster.. and there is so much pain. Why we have a war. why why why?? And God, if you're so amazing.. why is there so much pain in this world? Why do so many people (including myself) have to cry themselves to sleep at night? Why are so many people eating out of dumpsters? Why are there so many bad things, like war, and kid nappers, and rapist, (sp?), and murderers int his world? Why does a white 14 year old female, have to be afraid to step out of her house? Why do relationships now have to be long distance for so many people? Why couldn't life just be how it was? Why did you have to go , and change life for me, and so many others as we knew it, put us in new enviroments, and make us learn new things? Life shouldn't be so full of hatred, and pain, and misery. I go to bed each night, thinking that somebody will come in my window, and rape me in the middle of the night! I go to bed at night, thinking that my life is to hard, to go on. If you're so amazing, so great, that no words can explain, then explain this to me, What happened? Why'd you have to go and put so much pain and misery, so many struggles, for young people to cope with, in this world? There are times I wish that I could just die. Give up everything and die. that's all i want to know is WHY? I think today.. i've realized that I may be in pain, i may be hurt to no end.. i may cry myself to sleep every night. i may not be able to focus on school anymore. but there are people out there who have been, and are going through either the same thing, or worse. I have a friend.. who was nearly in tears today.. when she got to school.. she had just said goodbye to her brother.. and sister for 3 years (i think.. if not .. i'm sorry) because they moved to Belguim where her brother is stationed. Because he had to be in this war. Saying goodbye to close loved ones, especially siblings, is very complicated, i've been through it. Her sister will be going to college in Auburn.. so there's another person leaving. Not to mention.. her mom going somewhere.. i forgot where. but being stationed there as well. But you're so perfect.. you're always smiling.. you're always bringing the gloomy ones up. You never seemed so upset.. but lately.. you've just been down. you've been stressed. you've been sad. you've felt like crying. you've cried. I never knew anybody could hold on as much as you do, could care as much on the load as you do, and still push through.. still smile.. and laugh. to hide your tears and pain. but nobody can tell.. you're so good at hiding it. you're so good at keeping it a secret. you laugh.. you bring my attitude up.. you smile all the time.. but yet.. you're going through so much.. you're going through more than i could ever go through. you'll be 16 the next time you see your brother and sister.. and possibly your own mother. you'll be 16 before you're reunited. you'll be 16.. 16 that's three years of your life.. without the ones you can trust more than anybody. how are you going to live without your own mother? it hurts me to think about living without mine.. and mine and i don't get along to well! it hurts to know your siblings are pretty much gone too. everybody running in circles.. doing all this packing.. talking about what they're taking.. but it seems.. you're just standing there.. in pain.. and shock.. you're eyes are wide open.. but you can't see. Now i may be wrong here.. most likely i am.. but that's how i see your life.. that's what i see.. i see and hear you talking about all these people leaving.. your family is going in circles.. but.. you.. you're just standing there.. watching it.. but you've gotten so dizy from the circles.. that you can't see anymore. that you're in so much pain. I'm sorry for anybody who is still reading this.. but I just want you to know that i'm here for you. and i'm sitting here crying as writing this.. because I know you may be leaving for Belguim in may as well. I can't watch another friend walk out of my life. it hurts to see all the ones i'm away from already. But i'm so hurt.. so much in pain.. because i'm seeing you in so much pain.. but yet there is nothing i can say.. or do to make it better.. nothign i can say or do to change your pain. nothing i can say or do to have that pain on me.. and take it all from you. because you don't do it. I hate seeing you in so much pain. i hate seeing you come into the classroom stressed out. Or sad. I hate seeing you like that. I just wish there was something i could say.. something i could do. that would take it all away. I'm praying to God right now, saying "Take the very breath you gave me, take the heart from my chest, but give her her life back" . i just wish i could give you that happy life that you had back. But i'm sorry.. so so so so so SO sorry that there isn't. But I want you to be strong. I want you to just march right through. No matter where life takes you.. never give up. Life will through obsticles in your way.. but you need to pass them. You can't just give up in the middle because you're tired. I know that wherever you go.. you're going to be in good hands. And i'm thankful for that. We may not see each other.. ever again.. but i'll always be thinking about you. I'll always remember you. And i'll always be here.. to hold you up.. when you're falling and help you back up.. when you fall. I love you, you're one of the best friends i've had. You're forever with me....
But sometimes.. i wonder why...
You're a really stron girl, that's all you need. I just wish I could do more. <3
written for a really good friend of mine; by heather. ♥