Goodbye; My hero.

Ok, so the word is out. Trying to keep the word in didn't work. It's around. Trying to kepe it in just family, and close friends, has broke. He's gone.. Forever. Gone. Out of my life. Never coming back. For good. He's in the ground. His body anyway. Forever out of his "Favorite little cousin. little sister, best-friend's life." It hurts. To know he's not going to come home in September like promised, for my birthday. Hurts to know that everything that was told to me, was fake. Everybdoy that told me he was going to be ok. He'll come home. Someday, life will be back to normal, he'll be back, don't worry about him. You have to move on. He's strong, He's brave. He'll be fine, Heather, he'll be fine. FINE!?!?! FINE!?!?! THAT'S WHAT YOU HAE TO SAY ABOUT THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD ME, THE ONE I TOLD EVERYTHING TO, THAT IS NOW DEAD!?!?!? Maybe you better start thinking about what you're talking to, before you make somebdoy, as gullible as me, believe something, as big as that! Knowing him, along with a ton more family memobers over there, wasn't enough? You had to go and lie to me, tell me that he'd be fine. I got a phone call at 230 A.M, one morning, middle of my sleep, school the next day, because nobody else sleeps with their phone like me, only to hear some un-known voice talk to me, and tell me that my big cousin, big brother, father, best-friend, moral support, role model, hero.. WAS DEAD! That's what I really want to wake up to. Every young teenager just prays for that wish to happen every night.. NOT! I got every single poem, from his very first poem he wrote, including the one about me, telling me that I hurt him terribly, by telling him he didn't have a heart, because he never cried when he left.

Ok.. so i know that all seemed harsh, my opinions. But just know, that i'm starting to pick up the pieces, of my broken heart, and slowly put them back together. Slowly! I know that i'll be fine. I know that 'he's in a better place'. I just have to start believing that I can make it, in the cold night, alone. Nobody there.

But also know, that i'm joining the military. ANd i'm going to ignore what lal fo you say. even if it's going against it because it's not what I want. Just beause it's not what I want now, doesn't mean that it's not going to be what I want in the future. And it's been what I want since i was very young. And it's going to be what i'm going to force my self to do right now.

You can chase a dream, that might make you get in pain from it. People might put you down, for whatever reason it may be. But if it's honeslty your dream. Then go for it. don't let the other people that you call friends pull you back from it. If they're your true friends, they'll understand. I say this because of words I told my cousin , when he was going into the military. I tried pulling him back. And those words came out of his mouth. Written in a book, that He knew was going to me when he died. So I got them back.

A quote that I made up.

Forget all your philosophys,
Save all those little lies you tell me,
Becuase this girls A military girl,
and that's who she wants to be.