The Truth about me

I hate looking myself in the mirror,
I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,
I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,
I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,
With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood
.My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not,
I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart.

The Writings On the wall

I sit here all alone,
holding in all I have to say.
Can't someone see me crying here?
I cry here everyday.
I want to shout out why;
why I sit here and I cry.
But if someone gets to know the real me
they will leave me and just go on by
I 'm crying from the pain,
the love and the hunger.
If you're wondering why I'm feeling this,
you'll just have to continue to wonder.
To me it seems so clear;
I feel it's written on my face.
You try to read me,
but your guesses are so far out in space.
I try to get to the light,
but I still can't get out of the hall.
Can't you see me dying here?
The writing's written on the wall.

This is Me!='[

She smiles sweetly
to hide her fear
to hide the painthat is always near

Her stomach aches
from being sad
She wants to stop
feeling so bad

She wishes the world
were a happier place
that way she could put
a smile on her face

Will no one notice
the pain that's inside
Can no one see
how much she's cried

wanting to feel free
wanting to be happy
tired of pretending
there is no misery

What will it take
for people to know
that the smile she shows
is actually fake?

She has the world fooled
thinking she's pleased
with how her life's going
Can they be so naive

But someday soon
someone will see
and notice that there
is no bright moon
to light up her misery

to fade away pain
and make her really smile
once again.

Goodbye, Friend!='[

I'm miles away and I think of you still.
You're deep in my heart.
You'll stay there, you will.
I'll never forget the times that we had.
The heartfelt discussions.
The good and the bad.
I'll never forget the confusion I felt,
The day I told you our friendship may melt.
I'm moving away I told you that day.
Being with you is a part of the past.
These words that I speak may be our last.
You reached out your hand and opened your heart
And whispered in my ear,
"This is only the start."
A friendship like ours,
no matter who goes away can only get better.
Not crumble..Not stray..
If two people were better for each other than us
God kept them for himself.And that is a must.
For you are my best friend.
And I am yours, too.
We're stuck to each other.
Just me and just you.

My Testomony

The other day, I was REALLY struggling with moving and all. It's been really hard! I was laying in my bed, crying and staring out my window. All of a sudden, I litterally felt a hand, touch my shoulder, and role me over. Then I was being hugged, but I was going "Woah wait a minute, somebody just roled me over, something is hugging me, whats going on?" Then I realized earlier that morning, I was praying, and asking God to give me a hand, help me get through these struggles, be with me during this time, as not only I but my family and friends are all taking your decision, your will very hard. I realize that this was your decision, I know there was a reason, but it still hurts to let go. Just be with me and have a hand on me at all times, and give me a hug when I need it! I realized that God was the one with me, God was giving me that much needed hug, God put his hand on my shoulder. God was with me telling me it will be ok. God was in control. That was just SO encaouraging, just to know, and have that confidence that God is there, if you ask for help, God gives it to you, if you ask for a hug, God will give you one, God has his hand on your shoulder!

So shortly after I realized that, and after a prayer thanking God for what he has given me, and what comes to my future, and that he will be with me and helping me through this. I got on my laptop. Logged onto myspace, and I normally dont do bullitens, I normally just ignore them (bullitens are like e-mail type things that dont just go to 1 person, but to all of your friends in your friend box, for those of you who dont do myspace), but for some reason, this one just stuck out, and I felt God was telling me to read this one, so I decided "well, God if you want me to read this, I better do it" so I opend the bulliten. This is the story it shared:

A teenage girl about 17, had gone to visit some friend one evening, and time passed quickly as they each shared there various expierences of the past year. She ended up staying logner than planned and had to walk home she wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she only lived a few blocks away. She walked a long under tall elm trees Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though hewerewaitingfor her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking forGod's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and thefact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side ofher."Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% ofteenagers will not stand up for God? I obviously reposted this, so im one of the 2% that will.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what!

Yeah so I thought that was really cool, how after my little break down I had, that this was along the same line as mine, God is always with you, you're never alone. Just ask!

I hope you like my testomony. Please comment and tell me what you think=)

POSTiNG

Hey everybody. I posted a few blogs today, just because I most likely wont beable to post many in the next few weeks. They are maiinly just thoughts on life that I have had!
Much loveeeee Bunchiez!!!
Heather

In the end, is it worth your life?

In the End
You hear the song on the radio but you never think it really happens. But when your at school you see it happening. You want to go back and stop it from changing but its already changed. The fear of going to school starts. Your mom thinks your over tired and doesn't care and your dad just doesn't care and never will. But one day when you think there is nuthing more to your life you slowly walk out of school to the nearest creek. But when you get there you look into the water and think, what do I do now? How do I get rid of this pain and sadness? and thats only the begining of what you think. Then you hear the sirens of the cop car coming for you so you turn and walk to them. But when you get to school people just stare at you. Then comes all the questions. When you get home you see your mom sitting at the table. She turns and asks, why did you do it ? Why did you skip school and go just to cut yourself? Why didn't you talk to me? You think about what you want to say but instead you say, why do you care now? is it because you know I want to hurt myself. Well thats to bad I don't feel like talking about it. Then you ran up to your room. When your dad got home he went up to your room. Thats were he found you hanging by a belt. The last thing you see is your dad and the tears sliding down his checks and then you see him fall to his knees and start to cry harder. You wish you would have said something to your dad but now you will never have the chance because your death caused your world to stop and now you will never see the ones you love and you will never feel the pain and sadness. But now as you lie in the ground you ask yourself all the time, was it worth it to take your own life?

Dont destroy God's temple, because you can't take life! DUH! If God thought you couldn't handle it, the obviously he wouldn't have put the burden on you!

What life is about

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many friends you have. Or how many people call you. Or how accepted or unaccepted you are. Not about if you have plans this weekend. Or if you're alone. It isn't about who you're dating, who you use to date, how many people you've dated, or if you haven't been with anyone at all. It isn't about who you have kissed. It's not about sex. It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have. Or what kind of car you drive. Or where you're sent to school.

It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, brown, or green. Or if your skin is too light or too dark.

It's not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everyone else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. Or if this teacher likes you, or if this guy/girl likes you. Or what clubs you're in, or how good you are at "your" sport. It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will "accept the written you".

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It's about keeping or betraying trust. It's about friendship, used as sanctity, or as a weapon. It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.

It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, pain, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it.

But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could never occurred alone. Only you choose the way these hearts are affected and those choices are what life is all about.

Heroes

well as i sit here... and think about things.. theres a few girls id like to thank... and these girls.. are who i call my heros... you have been there always.. no matter what.. yea we may have our ups and downs, but you know what, we always make it through... i know i can turn to you no matter what it is.. i can always come to you for ur opinion or your help.. u came into my life at the right times, and uve never left... and i know you will always be there... its true when they say... best friends walk in when the rest of the world walks out... you girls dont know how much u mean to me... i couldnt thank you enough, becuase with out you in my life, idk where id be right now, idk what kind of life id be living, idk how id be feeling, and i dont even want to imagine life with out you girls, cuase u are my best friends... even tho you live a little farther away than id hope... you've still been there... i never thought i could get so close with someone i met at a retreat and, talked to for a few days.. i never thought that id build up the best relationships i could ever have... and i need to thank you for that... you girls mean the world to me and i couldnt imagine life with out you... i hope you know i love you with all my heart and that im here for you any time you need it (and that goes for everyone else too)... you girls are amazing people and if u are ever feeling down, i want you to read this and realize how aweomse you are, becuase seriously, you have done something good and it means alot me and other people... you girls are my heros and nothings going to change that! i love you to death always and forever, to the moon and back times infinity!!!

Escaping Life

everyone has that time in their life where they feel like they are slipping away... they feel as if there's nothing left to hold on to. as they slip they try and try so hard to figure out life but time goes by so fast, its all just a blur. you'll get confused and you wont know how to handle it.. so you come up with escapes even if u know they are wrong... you'll do anything to just get by.. you'll have those friends cheering you on and other friends on the opposite end pulling you back.. to keep you on track before you screw up to the point where theres no fixing... and you dont konw what to do becuase all you can think about is how scared you are...

Would you care??

if i were to disappear tomorrow without warning would anyone really care or notice? would anyone even remember me in two years or would i just be another lost child? have i done anything for anyone or am I just one big pain and people are just too afraid to tell me? Would you even care?

MoviNg!!

Hey everybody. I haven't posted in a while=( But I am now! We found out last tuesday, that we are going to be joining quite a few people and moving south=( But we are going to be in a different Southern state=( EVEN WORSE!! Dad got a new job down in Alabama, so we are getting packed up, and going down to Alabama=( Yeah all the way in Alabama! Lotsa friends are moving to the Decula area of Georgia, wich is only 3 hours away from Montgomery Alabama where I will be living. So I guess that is a plus. I will be 3 hours away from The 4 Wood Girlz (previous posts) Kaelyn Powers (family too), Becca Vandaburg (family too) and a few others that not many if any of you would know. But just keeping up on my blog=) I will try to blog daily. I leave for Alabama Aug 25/26 and for Grandmas Aug 19..so pretty much after the middle of next week for a while, I have no internet. Pray Pray Pray!!!!!! If id ont get daily I will make sure i get at least weekly! tehe. Lovez to all!!
HedgiiBug (Heady Monster)(Hey) pretty much go by any name tehe!